Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Satire: Guru's Guide On How To Impress And Sell More...



I get a chuckle every time I see someone online claiming to be a millionaire and yet the pictures they show of their homes, cars, possessions, etc. don't seem to match the so called "fortune"...

So I've come up with 15 simple suggestions for online marketers who want to impress. You're welcome to add to this list too.

1. Always use a recent picture of yourself
2. Do not take a fancy car for a test drive then take a photo to pretend it's yours
3. No $25,000 cars, please. Go for big names like Ferrari's, Hummers, Caddies, Mercedes, etc.
4. No small backyard swimming pools or the public pool
5. No posing with a model girl half your age and claiming she's your own wife
6. No $250 or Free Hawaiian trip photos. Cruises or European trips are more impressive
7. Ditto for Disneyland. I am hardly impressed with Disneyland trips as a symbol of wealth
8. No photos inside or near other people's properties as if it were your own... (see collage below)
9. Make sure your clothes match your alleged financial status
10. Do not send emails saying that you're away in the Bahamas for 2 weeks while you're actually in your pajamas at home trying to make more money off your ebooks.
11. Do not claim that you made so much money that now you're revealing your secrets for Free. That sounds too much like Mother Teresa if she were a business woman.
12. Do not ask your friends to vouch for your product in exchange for endorsement and exposure for their links
13. Using the word "Secrets" is causing seizures on otherwise healthy marketers
14. Don't make your sales letters sound like a revision of the New Testament
15. Refrain from bragging about how great "thou" art.

IF I were one of these Internet millionaires, I'd show show some known symbols of wealth such as big estates, ferraris, lamborghini's, customized motor homes, etc.


Me And a cheap collage of one of my dream cars, a 1992 Testarossa. You can actually buy these on Ebay for around $60,000. For a millionaire, this would be no big deal to get, right? or $800/900 lease/month.

The following home is actually for sale in my area for a few million dollars. if you are a millionaire online marketer, I am licensed (Stonebrook RE) to help you own this 9,100 sq. ft. custom built home if you want it. If I were a millionaire, I'd buy it. What a great home! Click here to view more pictures




You can even pretend to know some celebrities...even if you run into them at a restaurant and ask to have your picture taken. Post the picture on your web site and later claim you're friends with them. Use it for endorsement impact.

Or, rent a limousine as the one below, have your picture taken in front of a friend's house (background) and make it look like you're driven around in a limo and live in a big mansion...


That's me in front of a friend's house in Las Vegas last year for a Christimas Party!

As they say: "Perception of reality is reality" -
You can also post checks from a really good month and use it as a way to make people think
that they too will get all those big fat checks. Don't forget to tell them that the checks will come once they get 1,000,000 targeted visitors to their sites!.

I am just being sarcastic. Internet marketing has produced some very interesting approaches to selling "stuff" online.

58 Comments:

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PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

Just go to:bright future
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So...if you really want to become successful then take action and:
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--------------------------------------------------------------

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Get the net working for you.
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Become a member of The Business Professional network and look at:
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http://www.profitsupernet.com
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So...if you really want to become successful then take action and:
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--------------------------------------------------------------

This How To guide is brought to you by Jay Kay, from The Business Professional.
Get the net working for you.
Join a community of like-minded entrepreneurs and make your living online.
Become a member of The Business Professional network and look at:
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http://www.profitsupernet.com
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PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

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They spend most of their time working as an employee, using whatever's left of their free time in doing non-productive stuffs such as watching TV, shopping, or worse, doing nothing.
What a complete waste of time! Then they complain and whine on how life can be so cruel to them.
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For this purpose, we have created an eye-opening table of contents and see how
The Business Professional will help improve your business!!
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The Business Professional will definitely help improve your online profits!
Turn your online business into a driving force on the web. The ball is in your court.
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I hope to see you on the inside.

Sincerely,

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PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

Just go to:internet richness
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So...if you really want to become successful then take action and:
Make your easy! living online. Find out how! Over 100+ Useful Resources That If Utilized Could Easily Be Worth Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars To You!!
Grab yourself a $1 access pass. If you're fast enough to be one of the first 250 new members at: The Business Professional, you bag a limited $1 new member access pass.
Grab your access pass here: internet richness

http://www.profitsupernet.com

--------------------------------------------------------------

This How To guide is brought to you by Jay Kay, from The Business Professional.
Get the net working for you.
Join a community of like-minded entrepreneurs and make your living online.
Become a member of The Business Professional network and look at:
internet richness
http://www.profitsupernet.com
--------------------------------------------------------------

PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

http://www.profitsupernet.com

 
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They spend most of their time working as an employee, using whatever's left of their free time in doing non-productive stuffs such as watching TV, shopping, or worse, doing nothing.
What a complete waste of time! Then they complain and whine on how life can be so cruel to them.
"If You Could Use Whatever Spare Time You Have In Learning How to Be Financially Free, You Could Soon Live the Life of Your Dreams!"
For this purpose, we have created an eye-opening table of contents and see how
The Business Professional will help improve your business!!
read on at: be happy

Guaranteed!!
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The Business Professional will definitely help improve your online profits!
Turn your online business into a driving force on the web. The ball is in your court.
If you like then have a look at be happy cause I want to help making you big profits and real cash!


I hope to see you on the inside.

Sincerely,

Jay Kay


PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

Just go to:be happy
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So...if you really want to become successful then take action and:
Make your easy! living online. Find out how! Over 100+ Useful Resources That If Utilized Could Easily Be Worth Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars To You!!
Grab yourself a $1 access pass. If you're fast enough to be one of the first 250 new members at: The Business Professional, you bag a limited $1 new member access pass.
Grab your access pass here: be happy

http://www.profitsupernet.com

--------------------------------------------------------------

This How To guide is brought to you by Jay Kay, from The Business Professional.
Get the net working for you.
Join a community of like-minded entrepreneurs and make your living online.
Become a member of The Business Professional network and look at:
be happy
http://www.profitsupernet.com
--------------------------------------------------------------

PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

http://www.profitsupernet.com

 
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PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

Just go to:source code
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So...if you really want to become successful then take action and:
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This How To guide is brought to you by Jay Kay, from The Business Professional.
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http://www.profitsupernet.com
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http://www.profitsupernet.com

 
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They spend most of their time working as an employee, using whatever's left of their free time in doing non-productive stuffs such as watching TV, shopping, or worse, doing nothing.
What a complete waste of time! Then they complain and whine on how life can be so cruel to them.
"If You Could Use Whatever Spare Time You Have In Learning How to Be Financially Free, You Could Soon Live the Life of Your Dreams!"
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read on at: Affiliate

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I hope to see you on the inside.

Sincerely,

Jay Kay


PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

Just go to:Affiliate
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So...if you really want to become successful then take action and:
Make your easy! living online. Find out how! Over 100+ Useful Resources That If Utilized Could Easily Be Worth Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars To You!!
Grab yourself a $1 access pass. If you're fast enough to be one of the first 250 new members at: The Business Professional, you bag a limited $1 new member access pass.
Grab your access pass here: Affiliate

http://www.profitsupernet.com

--------------------------------------------------------------

This How To guide is brought to you by Jay Kay, from The Business Professional.
Get the net working for you.
Join a community of like-minded entrepreneurs and make your living online.
Become a member of The Business Professional network and look at:
Affiliate
http://www.profitsupernet.com
--------------------------------------------------------------

PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

http://www.profitsupernet.com

 
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They spend most of their time working as an employee, using whatever's left of their free time in doing non-productive stuffs such as watching TV, shopping, or worse, doing nothing.
What a complete waste of time! Then they complain and whine on how life can be so cruel to them.
"If You Could Use Whatever Spare Time You Have In Learning How to Be Financially Free, You Could Soon Live the Life of Your Dreams!"
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The Business Professional will help improve your business!!
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Guaranteed!!
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I hope to see you on the inside.

Sincerely,

Jay Kay


PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

Just go to:out of debt
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So...if you really want to become successful then take action and:
Make your easy! living online. Find out how! Over 100+ Useful Resources That If Utilized Could Easily Be Worth Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars To You!!
Grab yourself a $1 access pass. If you're fast enough to be one of the first 250 new members at: The Business Professional, you bag a limited $1 new member access pass.
Grab your access pass here: out of debt

http://www.profitsupernet.com

--------------------------------------------------------------

This How To guide is brought to you by Jay Kay, from The Business Professional.
Get the net working for you.
Join a community of like-minded entrepreneurs and make your living online.
Become a member of The Business Professional network and look at:
out of debt
http://www.profitsupernet.com
--------------------------------------------------------------

PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

http://www.profitsupernet.com

 
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We all want to be financially secure. Who doesn't? Unfortunately, many people are not doing anything to improve their financial status in life.
They spend most of their time working as an employee, using whatever's left of their free time in doing non-productive stuffs such as watching TV, shopping, or worse, doing nothing.
What a complete waste of time! Then they complain and whine on how life can be so cruel to them.
"If You Could Use Whatever Spare Time You Have In Learning How to Be Financially Free, You Could Soon Live the Life of Your Dreams!"
For this purpose, we have created an eye-opening table of contents and see how
The Business Professional will help improve your business!!
read on at: out of debt

Guaranteed!!
We will show you quick and smart techniques to become wealthy in no time at all.
The Business Professional will definitely help improve your online profits!
Turn your online business into a driving force on the web. The ball is in your court.
If you like then have a look at out of debt cause I want to help making you big profits and real cash!


I hope to see you on the inside.

Sincerely,

Jay Kay


PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

Just go to:out of debt
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So...if you really want to become successful then take action and:
Make your easy! living online. Find out how! Over 100+ Useful Resources That If Utilized Could Easily Be Worth Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars To You!!
Grab yourself a $1 access pass. If you're fast enough to be one of the first 250 new members at: The Business Professional, you bag a limited $1 new member access pass.
Grab your access pass here: out of debt

http://www.profitsupernet.com

--------------------------------------------------------------

This How To guide is brought to you by Jay Kay, from The Business Professional.
Get the net working for you.
Join a community of like-minded entrepreneurs and make your living online.
Become a member of The Business Professional network and look at:
out of debt
http://www.profitsupernet.com
--------------------------------------------------------------

PS. The $1 access pass only applies to the first 250 new members. You've got to hurry if you want to claim your deposit. You just cannot afford to miss it!!!

http://www.profitsupernet.com

 
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